Literary doodle pad

Archive for May, 2011

Anonymity

If you’re honest then people worry. And worry is bad. So to avoid worry, it’s tempting to shut away honesty. I am not writing much now for more than one reason; I have been so busy and exhausted with exams and stuff, and when you’re exhausted you can feel up and down. If you are honest about the various moments that constitute that roller-coaster then you could end up saying things you’ll regret. So you try not to. Silence is safe.

Honestly I just don’t know what to do; I just need to pray and pray till I’m blue in the face.

And now I don’t even know whether to post this because there might be one or two people who read this and worry… I hate that. I dislike pity with a repulsion that is more vehement than I’d expect… probably means I’ve got a pride issue that needs dealing with. It’s hard to think about things properly without bouncing them off a canvas, and I do believe thinking is important: essential. Weird how some folks (specially boys) seem to avoid it at all costs. Ah costs… valuable things are always costly… so is it worth it? Am I worth it? Sometimes I wish I could decide not to think or care…

Integrity and love haunt me… they ruin my life, and I want them to… but it’s still hard to choose rubble over a bouncy castle… haha figure that one out.

I’m not giving up yet. I will not give up, it would be worse than pain, to be numb.

There’s still MUCH to rejoice on and be thankful for… Come on head and heart; shut up and go to sleep.

‘Till next time with love and melodrama.

Infuse

♦pink extraveganza♦

Ann Marie

My favourite way to while the time away:

When we lie chatting late at night and you

And I know there’s nothing we can’t say;

Rich silliness or gently talking through

Our worries till it’s almost breaking day.

Though in lots of ways we’re really different

I think it helps us help each other grow;

In response to challenge you are brilliant

And frankly I think the whole world should know.

But would I want to share you with them though?

You’ve always had the cheekiest of smiles

That without fail will get you off the hook.

You’ve helped me see the bright side of life’s trials

While somehow not allowing me denials,

And made me laugh till my whole body shook.

Been missing you excruciatingly,

Suffocation in anticipation

Of hugging you and talking properly,

This lengthy and frustrating separation

Highlights the delights of your company.

My Annie your the best sister ever,

Brave, funny, beautiful; such a treasure,

When God made you I bet He felt clever

And still looks on you with immense pleasure,

He is glorified through your endeavour.

Can’t wait to hang out with you this summer, I love you. xx

Risk Recovering

She dons a fragile smile as she

Joins the throng and tucks away her heart,

Unconsciously maintaining the facade,

It’s been a habit now for quite a while,

There’s danger of her hollow laugh betraying

The ‘I’m just fine’ she’s desperately portraying,

She’s worried that they’ll notice but she’s praying

That they will play along with the facade

The script is surely safer than ad-lib,

A cheery, chilly distance we maintain,

We’ve been learning since we left the crib

To paper over cracks of humbling pain;

This paper shield she’s built is wafer thin,

She’s banking on their blithe indifference,

If someone really wanted to break in

They’d steal her lonely heart within an instant.

In truth she always knew that things would change,

Frustrating, but there’s growth in waiting games,

It’s risky to recover and it’s strange

To watch familiar bonds go up in flames,

She’d wanted Him to take them for so long,

And now she can’t believe they’re really gone!

Fully fledged treasure friend.

With family relationships it oft’ seems

That their deep hooks in our identity

Swift lead our reactions to extremes

And raw emotion of such potency.

It cannot be just biologically,

Though from our parents’ fibres we are knit,

The bond is also forged through history

of moments; smooth as marble, coarse as grit.

On life’s complex journey family extends

As with the paths of others it’s entwined

Through taking on the unexpected bends

We end up leaving precious ones behind.

For some love’s separation stings the heart

Which in defense builds walls to shield it’s pride,

Ironic that the catalyst that starts

The blaze is that which wants you by it’s side.

Not a child but evermore his daughter,

Flew the nest to seek the truth and live it,

Fully fledged you aint who he had thought yer,

Though truly loved, you just don’t neatly fit.

Integrity on you makes strong demands

Which, in conjunction with your wish to share,

Your loving questions he misunderstands;

Therefore so hard to keep investing there.

Seek refuge in the Lord’s unfailing grace,

He knows you and loves you beyond measure,

As with humility your words you lace,

Press on knowing you’re His precious treasure.

I love you heaps; more than I can convey

And wish that I could hold your hand right now,

I guess that’s all I really want to say,

I pray that Jesus uses this somehow.

xx

An honest fraction.

At one point I was running through some bluebells

and for just a couple of seconds I felt

I needed to stop running, and give up and cry,

I faltered for a microsecond,

then I kept running and I thought about other things.

So is it the untainted beauty of the ideal that prompts the pain of the less than ideal?

xx

Wherefore do I dither?

Procrastinating

Is totally frustrating

Do your work Catie!

♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦

Haiku’s are good ’cause being limited to 5 7 5, you get to the point quickly; now to work.

xx

What do they look like? (via STOP THE TRAFFIK blog spot)

This is a serious issue guys and gals… but Joe BLOGgs can make a difference! xx

What do they look like? SO WHAT DO THOSE TRAFFICKERS LOOK LIKE?! I turned on my T.V. to see a report of someone I knew well… Okay, so I’m new to the family of STOP THE TRAFFIK, and armed with many unanswered questions in my head. I’m on a quest to try to discover some valid answers to those questions…what happens when a victim of human trafficking is rescued? What can we really do to make a difference? What’s my role in all of this? Who are the traffickers? It’s thi … Read More

via STOP THE TRAFFIK blog spot

Experimental celebration cooking

So I just finished an assignment, and as a result went downstairs and had a peek in my cupboard at my available ingredients, no eggs… so ordinary cake was out of the question
so instead I went for….

Sesame cinnamon vanilla flapjack loaf….. it’s in the oven now…. better go see how it’s doing. :] hahaha I am crazy sometimes. :]

♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦

So I took it out and put it back in a few times, but eventually turned the oven off and faced the kind and humourous mockery of my housemates. Unfortunately, my patience was somewhat lacking so I didn’t wait for it to cool properly before digging it out of the tin. Then I ate some and burnt my tongue. But it was tasty. :] I had planned to photo it and then you could all have a chortle at my disastrous non recipe usage, but i forgot, and it’s all gone now… maybe I should just take a photo of a fat bulge… that’s what it looks like now… hahaha  (too far?) haha.

So… on I plod with various bits of work and other tasks…. but you have to take a break and be a little bit mad every so often.

Best be off to bed now, gotta be up at six tomorrow. YAY! Got that end of  holidays, pre-return daunting feeling, even though the last few days have been work focussed anyway.

Work can be enjoyable though, in fact it’s meant to be a gift. :] xx xx xx

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