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Clearly I am not loved

In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat – for he grants sleep to those he loves.
Psalm 127:2 NIVUK

Now and Not Yet

Droplets of self loathing seep

Down my cheek, toxically,

Mocking the ideal I keep;

Happy, humble, okay me


Acknowledge, again, with shuddered sigh,

Satan’s plentiful supply of lies,

Nipping doggedly at threadbare ties

Of truth, strength, hope and serenity


Comfort’s time-lag stutters on,

As in the darkest black of night

I know the dawn will surely come,

Should knowing so bring instant light?


Once the gold rays filter in,

Forgotten fear seems foolish now;

Victory has drowned my sin,

A crown by grace placed on my brow



The better of two ‘Good’s ;]

Two great things: Chocolate and Jesus

Just enjoyed me some PROPERLY delicious and Fairtrade* chocolate. It was REALLY enjoyable. Sadly, once the eating of it was done (altogether too quickly) the luxurious, joyful, deeply satisfying feeling subsided. And I just thought, all the things we love in life, can be really super great. But they just don’t keep us satisfied. This is why today I am boldly proclaiming that Jesus is the best, because He is a wellspring of life within, always offering us more than we can understand. He is ALWAYS enough and MORE. 

AND he doesn’t make me fat or spotty! ;] hahaha.

*Fairtrade chocolate is really truly excellent. My BESTEST LOVELIEST Pete gave me some Green and Black’s which is doubly enjoyable because not only does it taste dreamy, but it helps make dreams come true for people who are being paid a fair wage and having their communities invested in.

In conclusion, I am a fan of:

  • Jesus
  • Chocolate
  • Fairtrade
  • Peter


Pursuit of Happiness?

A little while ago I watched the film called The Pursuit of Happiness.

It made me cry.

But the moments where I cried were not when they were at their most poverty stricken… not the point where Will Smith, the lead actor cries… it was where the family relationships broke down, separation of mother and son, of wife and husband. Or when the father shows desperation induced cracks in compassion for his son.

The thing is… those things being in tact are where we find happiness aren’t they really? And yet sometimes it takes losing something to realise how good it was. 

I think the film had the wrong name; it should have been called In Pursuit of Wealthiness. 

So what? I have a confession to make: I am Happy.

Why am I writing about it? Because I think we are looking for it in the wrong places. And sometimes we are IN happiness and we don’t realise it till the light changes. It’s like a stain glass window… different shades and hues, all making up the picture; life. Happiness is one of the colours, Other colours are not even necessarily bad, just different. 

The most important thing though, is that there is light shining into that window… to bring life into the picture, and if it was all one colour, it wouldn’t be nearly so beautiful.


So I love the times when I get to be i the happy colour, they’re lovely, but the other colours make it so much richer. It’s like with every year you get to step one step back, take in a bit more of the picture.


And what’s the light? I believe, the light is Jesus.


:] xx

Thanks :]

I nominate


Are you Rah? Or are you Charva?

Both are likely to cause lava

To begin to overflow

From the Judgement Volcano.


NB… this may only make sense if you’re from the UK. ;]


I accept the award, thank you Poetry Palace and friends

And I’d like to nominate Charlie Mashburn :]

Dr Who Gushing Nerdiness

Essentially all I want to say is this:

I LOVE DOCTOR WHO!!! I CAN’T BELIEVE I have to wait till CHRISTMAS before I get some more.

I wonder what on EARTH will happen next?!!?

What are you the most geeky about? ;] xx

What do they look like? (via STOP THE TRAFFIK blog spot)

This is a serious issue guys and gals… but Joe BLOGgs can make a difference! xx

What do they look like? SO WHAT DO THOSE TRAFFICKERS LOOK LIKE?! I turned on my T.V. to see a report of someone I knew well… Okay, so I’m new to the family of STOP THE TRAFFIK, and armed with many unanswered questions in my head. I’m on a quest to try to discover some valid answers to those questions…what happens when a victim of human trafficking is rescued? What can we really do to make a difference? What’s my role in all of this? Who are the traffickers? It’s thi … Read More

via STOP THE TRAFFIK blog spot

Experimental celebration cooking

So I just finished an assignment, and as a result went downstairs and had a peek in my cupboard at my available ingredients, no eggs… so ordinary cake was out of the question
so instead I went for….

Sesame cinnamon vanilla flapjack loaf….. it’s in the oven now…. better go see how it’s doing. :] hahaha I am crazy sometimes. :]


So I took it out and put it back in a few times, but eventually turned the oven off and faced the kind and humourous mockery of my housemates. Unfortunately, my patience was somewhat lacking so I didn’t wait for it to cool properly before digging it out of the tin. Then I ate some and burnt my tongue. But it was tasty. :] I had planned to photo it and then you could all have a chortle at my disastrous non recipe usage, but i forgot, and it’s all gone now… maybe I should just take a photo of a fat bulge… that’s what it looks like now… hahaha  (too far?) haha.

So… on I plod with various bits of work and other tasks…. but you have to take a break and be a little bit mad every so often.

Best be off to bed now, gotta be up at six tomorrow. YAY! Got that end of  holidays, pre-return daunting feeling, even though the last few days have been work focussed anyway.

Work can be enjoyable though, in fact it’s meant to be a gift. :] xx xx xx

As long as there’s HOPE

So I’ve got this necklace that I made last summer. I wear it every day.  It is made out of a strip of black leather (not very vegetarian of me I know, but that’s a whole other matter) and eight little wooden cube beads. It looks a little bit like this:


But it’s a bit tatty now. The thing that strikes most people when they see it is that it has a question mark at the end of it. Actually most people think that it’s funny, which it is. But there’s a serious side to it.  Some people are offended by it. Seems odd right? I’ll tell you why though, because acknowledging justice means acknowledging right and wrong, and for a lot of us, that means admitting that we’re wrong, selfish. I made the necklace because of God… God really cares about people, and when some people are treated horribly by other people He gets flipping cross. I had a realisation. I am one of those oppressors. I frequently act in a way that implies that I am superior to other people, and their desperate needs are inferior to my wanton desires.

But it doesn’t have to be like that.

THAT is why there is a question mark. The necklace challenges me daily, and others, should they choose to accept, to live in a way that comes in line with the ideals that many of us profess. Bear with me, that sounds very vague and unattainable, but wait. We have a legal system in our country (as do most countries) that is in place to ensure that justice is done. Those who commit a crime are made to pay for it in some way, also in court ideally no individual has higher or lower rank than another. We generally have a sense of FAIRNESS that says that people should have EQUAL rights. In sports teams or individuals have to abide by the same rules as other teams or individuals to make the game FAIR. Most educated people would agree that all human beings are intrinsically of equal value. Somewhere in our core there’s something that tells us that human life is sacred.

The problem is the disconnect. If we truly believe that people are valuable and should be treated ‘fairly’ then we will not be willing to accept that vast numbers of individual feeling human beings are treated horrifically every day. If we truly believe that each person is as valuable as another then we would not think it was okay for us to buy luxury items made by the hands of cruelly treated slaves who do not have the essential requirements for healthy life.

So it might be that we are daunted by the huge abyss of human suffering that we perceive, I totally empathise with that. But the good news is we are not responsible for the whole world’s actions, we’re only responsible for our own. That means we are responsible for what we do, and we’re also responsible for what we choose not to do… and for me, that is the scary part.

But there’s more good news: We ABSOLUTELY CAN make a POSITIVE difference in our HURTING world. 

Now I’m getting to the crux of my ramble… If every time we make a choice we bear in mind the consequence of our choice for EVERYONE, and we choose to do what is compassionate we WILL be living justly, we will SEE JUSTICE OCCUR!! 

So even though I know that many people are hurting I also know that when I choose to buy Fairtrade food, when I get clothes from charity shops and when I have lunch with someone who’s lonely, I change someone’s life for the better. (And if you know me then by now you’ll realise that you don’t have to be extraordinary to make such a difference)

I genuinely believe that as long as there are Humans there will be a sense of Justice,

And as long as there’s a sense of Justice there will be people HOPING FOR that Justice to come about,

And as long as there is HOPE then good things will happen.

So I have a question for you…. (and me)



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