When I hear about, witness or ponder upon an incident or prolonged occurrence of a boy/lad/man being a selfish emotionally stunted coward I get cross. That seems fair. What is LESS fair and probably quite unhelpful is the fact that I not only get cross with the guilty specimen, but I also get a bit grouchy and distrustful of my Daddy, boyfriend and other male friends. I am sorry. Something to pray about. Hey Jesus, could you help me to be gentle, positive, forgiving and helpful. Please help me to be loving, joyful and patient at all times and to bring out the best in people. Pearls of wisdom gratefully received, on the premise that you don’t think they’d be wasted on me. ;] haha. xx
Posts tagged ‘prayer’
Weary and lonely
Yet wanting to be alone,
Itching to fly
But energy gone,
Restless for no reason,
Excitement and dread
I try again to clear my head
I know this lead
Is not mine to carry,
Don’t give in.
I tarry at the hurdle,
Breathe in the Sweet Pea Sun
Win back the day.
Mysterious equaliser beckons all,
Not e’en one tall achiever can run so
Fast that he, free, would not to exhaustion fall,
He’d shrivel by exchanging rest for ego.
Not a commodity on which one could gain
Monopoly, something to be received,
Persuing it makes for a frustrating game,
Striving for the elusive win; misconceived.
The translucent escape and dream’s adventure
Can only trickle in when loosely grasped,
Fickle flirt with unconsciousness is torture,
The parched, desperate beggar’s plea to God gasped.
When the merciful flood pours into being,
The sleeper is defenseless but secure,
The tide is from day’s tension their heart freeing,
He gives sleep to both humble and restore.
If you’re honest then people worry. And worry is bad. So to avoid worry, it’s tempting to shut away honesty. I am not writing much now for more than one reason; I have been so busy and exhausted with exams and stuff, and when you’re exhausted you can feel up and down. If you are honest about the various moments that constitute that roller-coaster then you could end up saying things you’ll regret. So you try not to. Silence is safe.
Honestly I just don’t know what to do; I just need to pray and pray till I’m blue in the face.
And now I don’t even know whether to post this because there might be one or two people who read this and worry… I hate that. I dislike pity with a repulsion that is more vehement than I’d expect… probably means I’ve got a pride issue that needs dealing with. It’s hard to think about things properly without bouncing them off a canvas, and I do believe thinking is important: essential. Weird how some folks (specially boys) seem to avoid it at all costs. Ah costs… valuable things are always costly… so is it worth it? Am I worth it? Sometimes I wish I could decide not to think or care…
Integrity and love haunt me… they ruin my life, and I want them to… but it’s still hard to choose rubble over a bouncy castle… haha figure that one out.
I’m not giving up yet. I will not give up, it would be worse than pain, to be numb.
There’s still MUCH to rejoice on and be thankful for… Come on head and heart; shut up and go to sleep.
‘Till next time with love and melodrama.