Literary doodle pad

Posts tagged ‘Truth’

Understanding Covenant

If you can’t be bothered to read a long post, I’ll start with a summary:-

I went on my church weekend away and had a wonderful time and got a clearer idea of what covenant is and why it makes sense that Jesus dying on the cross means we can be forgiven. I think I am learning a lot about my relationship with God and the church’s relationship with Jesus through going out with Pete. End of summary. :]

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This photo was taken while a big group of us went on a walk on our weekend away. It was an utterly beautiful day.

We looked at the truth in the Bible and the significance of the actions and promises of Jesus to our lives. Jesus and I are in a covenant. Because of this, we are ONE, despite also being two. Like marriage; one marriage, two people. Being one with Jesus is the only way it makes sense that when HE died on the cross, MY mistakes were forgiven. This is also why I can be hid with Christ in glory, why I can have, do have, eternal life. So the key is intimacy with Jesus, joining in that covenant that He offers us… becoming one with Him.

I don’t have the eloquence to explain why this was eye opening for me, I think it makes more sense because I feel more involved in the crucifixion now. It’s not another reason for me to feel guilty, it’s what sets me FREE from guilt. :]

Which leads me on to the next bit: I understand this covenant primarily because I think I understand marriage (to an extent). My mam and dad love each other and have made a lifetime commitment. They don’t make sense without each other, and whatever you do to one of them, you therefore do to the other. Because by their marriage they became one. If you hurt my mother, you hurt my father also, and if you are loving to my father, you are loving to my mother also. They’re pretty equal, they have different strengths and they have vowed to stand by each other no matter what; picking each other up when needed.

With Jesus and me, the covenant is different because Jesus is strong and perfect, and I am not. But actually, we do both love each other, and nothing can separate us. Jesus willingly became the sacrifice, for all that I do wrong, and more. He is not begrudging.

Which leads me on to Pete, and how being in a relationship with him is teaching me about God’s love. This bit is more embarrassing to talk about because it doesn’t paint me in a great light, and I also don’t want to come across as though I’m boasting because I have such a great boyfriend. I didn’t earn him, I am blessed by him. I’ll tell a story quickly to illustrate.

On Sunday night after getting back from the church weekend away I had to change the tyre on my bike. I had to leave the house at quarter past six the next day to catch a bus to Stockton and ten to seven for work. At about twenty to seven I got into town (nice and early) only to discover upon arrival that my bike lock WAS NOT ON MY BIKE!! *panic* Options flit in a wobbly way through my head; go to Wilko and buy one? Can’t it’s not open yet. Go home and get it? Don’t have time. Call Sam and Lizi? They won’t know the situation/be fast enough. Leave bike in town and hope? No, it will almost certainly get stolen. Jesus, what do I do? Call Pete. Try not to cry with relief when he answers on second ring. Garble in a shaky voice at top speed. Wait for Pete to BOMB it into town only just woken up. Leave bike and trust Pete to find it and keep it safe. Dash madly for bus. Receive text from Pete to say he has my bike safe and sound. Reflect on irrationally willing nature of Pete towards me.

But do you know what, Pete didn’t want me to try to retrospectively earn his rescue, and he didn’t love me less because he’d cycled so fast he felt sick and asthmatic and he actually said he ENJOYED being there for me at ANY hour of the day. And instead of managing to redeem myself, I went and got all over emotional about something and sobbed down the phone to him a couple on nights later at half past midnight. But instead of being dismissive and begrudging and he sought me out the next day with flowers and chocolate. I have to try to learn to receive this kind of sacrificial and loving behaviour. And obviously my response is that I want to love him back as much as I can. But not out of guilt, out of joy!! And this is exactly what I need to learn in my relationship with Jesus too.

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This Transparent Tumble

Accidentally,

Truthfully,

Those words, three…

By Lovers’ Lane.

I’d fallen headlong,

Not that I’d known long,

At least,

Not with my brain.

You’d had a head-start,

Caught unawares my heart,

And now?

Those three remain.

x ♥ x

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Question Time

♦ To you ♦ To God

There’s a rude awakening on it’s way,

An inconvenient truth for some,

Many deficits to pay

By those who scorned His ransom.

This truth is brilliant, terrible too,

What would I give to make you see?

To demolish walls of preconception,

My pride? My popularity?

In theory that cost’s not so bad,

Certainly worth it to give you life!

But what if you just think I’m mad?

Then both are lost. Is this what stops me?

Couldn’t you convince them though?

With your great power, rip

Your Name into the sky? No?

You want relationship?

So what’s with people being ‘called’?

Did they have a choice?

What if they had shouted ‘NO!’

Would you hear their voice?

But much worse still, what about

The ones who were not chosen?

Who are preset to wall You out?

Can human hearts be frozen?

Free will too, plays a part

In our destination,

Consequences that we start

Through our ‘plan of action’

So do we choose or don’t we?

That’s what I’m really asking,

‘Cause if some people can’t be free,

Then what is your ‘Love’ masking?

Trashy Magazines

So why do we read trashy style magazines, or gossip magazines? What is it about them? Do you read Hello? More, OK or Elle? Personally I don’t think I’ve ever bought a fashion/style/gossip magazine, but I know I’ve scanned MANY.  In waiting rooms, in other people’s houses, in the sixth form common room I think I was first properly introduced to the onslaught of expectation and critique that is the women’s magazine industry.

It’s really odd, some deceptive headline catches your eye and you get drawn in, reading, judging, feeling judged…

It struck me it’s like boxing day, when you’ve been consistently full for about 24 hours, but somehow when someone waves a box of chocolates by you still take one. You know you’re not even a little bit hungry, and you know that you could really do without the calories, but somehow your brain bypasses the logic and you’re lured in by the temptation of those few moments where the caramel will feel smooth and taste good. You take one. It’s not nearly as enjoyable as you thought it would be. You feel a little bit sick and you look down at your belly and feel a bit repulsed. This is what it’s like with women’s magazines. A catchy title, an unsatisfying article, leaving you feeling fat, and guilty and wretched.

So what’s my point? Judging others isn’t fun. Seeking other people’s approval will never leave you feeling like you’ve fully succeeded. Momentary gratification is overrated.

Admiring beauty is fun and uplifting when kept in perspective. I hope to gain enough self control to choose the constructive and life giving things in life, and to resist the easy tempting moments. I’m gonna need help, but I think it’s worth it. :] xx

Immersion; repose’s respite

Mysterious equaliser beckons all,

Not e’en one tall achiever can run so

Fast that he, free, would not to exhaustion fall,

He’d shrivel by exchanging rest for ego.


Not a commodity on which one could gain

Monopoly, something to be received,

Persuing it makes for a frustrating game,

Striving for the elusive win; misconceived.

The translucent escape and dream’s adventure

Can only trickle in when loosely grasped,

Fickle flirt with unconsciousness is torture,

The parched, desperate beggar’s plea to God gasped.

When the merciful flood pours into being,

The sleeper is defenseless but secure,

The tide is from day’s tension their heart freeing,

He gives sleep to both humble and restore.

Risk Recovering

She dons a fragile smile as she

Joins the throng and tucks away her heart,

Unconsciously maintaining the facade,

It’s been a habit now for quite a while,

There’s danger of her hollow laugh betraying

The ‘I’m just fine’ she’s desperately portraying,

She’s worried that they’ll notice but she’s praying

That they will play along with the facade

The script is surely safer than ad-lib,

A cheery, chilly distance we maintain,

We’ve been learning since we left the crib

To paper over cracks of humbling pain;

This paper shield she’s built is wafer thin,

She’s banking on their blithe indifference,

If someone really wanted to break in

They’d steal her lonely heart within an instant.

In truth she always knew that things would change,

Frustrating, but there’s growth in waiting games,

It’s risky to recover and it’s strange

To watch familiar bonds go up in flames,

She’d wanted Him to take them for so long,

And now she can’t believe they’re really gone!

Captives of our own Freedom

Plans formed from omniscient perspective,

But we place ourselves at the centre

of our Universe, we’re not objective,

We’re busy getting treasure

In our eyes

We wear our crowns and build our thrones

On the backs of slaves we would never own,

Knowing the danger of reflecting;

Conscience’s nudges keep rejecting,

Materialism saves

In our eyes

Hunger drives the greed for ‘things’

And in turn greed pursues success

Which fails to quench the emptiness

Having tasted  it

In our eyes

Lusting after something new,

Choosing truths that just aren’t true,

Scared of looking up to

the depth of life our hearts once knew,

It’s too big a sacrifice

In our eyes

The pace increases in our search,

Floundering for the prize unknown,

In our screaming Limbo perched,

We can do it on our own

In our eyes

We envision limitation

In your loving whisper ‘Come’,

Freedom to or freedom from?

We’re captives of our own freedom.

CER

What is Love?

So Love is one little four letter word. And it means SO MUCH.

So we have the kind of love we have for our Mams and Dads; a kind of needy love to begin with, a deep love that has enourmous elasticity and sometimes causes immense pain. A mother’s love is so potent and selfless, a father’s love so peace giving, hopeful and desired. (I realise I’m talking about almost ideals here, but not impossibilities and not spotless perfections)

We have the kind of love we have for our Siblings; not too far from the parent type love but often gets off to a rockier start, a beautiful kind of relationship is possible here though, something that doesn’t compare to ANYTHING else. It’s more indelible than friendship (not that those can’t last) there’s a kind of kindred spirit in sibling relationships that could stand in the face of ANYTHING and remain. I think the reason so many siblings fight is that what COULD be is so powerful and life giving that the devil does anything he can to derail it.

Then Friendship; where feeling understood and accepted feeds into all kinds of trust, shared experiences and journeys, where a heart for something is shared, a wavelength shared…  this is about a kind of communion between people that is chosen rather than inevitable and can be such a source of joy, humour,  colour and challenge.

There’s Charitable love, where our hearts are stirred for others, just because they are human and so are we, and the beauty of this kind of love shouldn’t be under-estimated… it can swiftly grow into friendship and without it we would cease to be human. It often hurts our already exhausted hearts, but it’s also far too easy to be come de-sensitised, and put up barriers.

There’s Romantic love. Eros Love. Venus Love. So hard to describe and understand. It’s not just about desire and attraction. It’s far more sacrificial than that, far more engaging, enriching, costly, vulnerable. It needs all the elements of friendship, and often develops out of friendship, it’s intense and funny, like fire because it consumes yet gives heat, it must be nurtured in the right kind of environment, it’s about intimacy and desire that leads to becoming one and it has the potential to tear a persons heart to shreds. Sex is not dirty, it can be dangerous, it is a big deal and it is an amazing gift. It unites people in an irreversible way so it should only be done with one person and it’s really important. It’s an important part of Euros love but it doesn’t create (make) love. It can exist without love; which is tragic.

There’s the love we have of money, comfort, THINGS. This is a bit sad, it’s unrequited, but easy to fall into in our consumerist society. It is not life giving like the other kinds of love but it is costly, we gradually become engrossed and there’s no obvious escape or upper limit. We think it’s comparatively risk free, but possessions can let us down just as much as humans can.

There’s our love for and from God. This is the reason that we exist. God decided to create because He wanted to love us and be loved by us. This is interesting because it’s s unbalanced. God loves us unconditionally and unfailingly. Vastly and sacrificially, while we love God sporadically and selfishly, obsessed with trying to prove ourselves to him, or else we are completely apathetic. When we love God truly it’s freeing and exciting and the relationship is powerful and exhilarating.

Love can be received or given, demanded or withheld, rebuffed, or accepted expressed or hidden.

Love can be communicated in many ways, Touch, Time, Words, Acts of service, Gifts.

How do we do it? Can we learn it? Does it just happen? What is is made of? How can we trust it? Can it be permanent? Can it be destroyed? Why is it so important to us?

John says that ‘God is Love’

Paul says that ‘Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.’

John also says: ‘This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.’ (this doesn’t mean we have to die on a cross, it just means make sacrifices for others, put others before ourselves, which is so counter-cultural)

And ‘For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.’

“We love because it’s the only true adventure.” – Nikki Giovanni

Paul again: ‘If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.  If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.’

“Attention is the most basic form of love; through it we bless and are blessed.” – John Tarrant

“Love is everything it’s cracked up to be. That’s why people are so cynical about it…It really is worth fighting for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don’t risk everything, you risk even more.” – Erica Jong

“Love is more than three words mumbled before bedtime. Love is sustained by action, a pattern of devotion in the things we do for each other every day.” – Nicholas Sparks

“To love is to receive a glimpse of heaven.” – Karen Sunde

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless–it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.” -C. S. Lewis

“Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person’s ultimate good as far as it can be obtained”- C. S. Lewis

“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief…and unspeakable love.”- Washington Irving

“Love comes when manipulation stops; when you think more about the other person than about his or her reactions to you. When you dare to reveal yourself fully. When you dare to be vulnerable.”- Joyce Brothers

So Love is about Sacrifice, Communication, Commitment, Vulnerability, Sharing, Trust, Fun, Choice and Intimacy?

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