Your lips
Pearly petals furled in pouting peace so perfect
Your breath
Mighty little puffs of feisty life against my skin
Your eyes
Bright deep intimate soul windows, soul hands which we hold
Your voice
Colourful melody on heartstrings of delighted vulnerability
Our hug
A warm snug weight, fulfilling my arms and chest
If you can’t be bothered to read a long post, I’ll start with a summary:-
I went on my church weekend away and had a wonderful time and got a clearer idea of what covenant is and why it makes sense that Jesus dying on the cross means we can be forgiven. I think I am learning a lot about my relationship with God and the church’s relationship with Jesus through going out with Pete. End of summary. :]
This photo was taken while a big group of us went on a walk on our weekend away. It was an utterly beautiful day.
We looked at the truth in the Bible and the significance of the actions and promises of Jesus to our lives. Jesus and I are in a covenant. Because of this, we are ONE, despite also being two. Like marriage; one marriage, two people. Being one with Jesus is the only way it makes sense that when HE died on the cross, MY mistakes were forgiven. This is also why I can be hid with Christ in glory, why I can have, do have, eternal life. So the key is intimacy with Jesus, joining in that covenant that He offers us… becoming one with Him.
I don’t have the eloquence to explain why this was eye opening for me, I think it makes more sense because I feel more involved in the crucifixion now. It’s not another reason for me to feel guilty, it’s what sets me FREE from guilt. :]
Which leads me on to the next bit: I understand this covenant primarily because I think I understand marriage (to an extent). My mam and dad love each other and have made a lifetime commitment. They don’t make sense without each other, and whatever you do to one of them, you therefore do to the other. Because by their marriage they became one. If you hurt my mother, you hurt my father also, and if you are loving to my father, you are loving to my mother also. They’re pretty equal, they have different strengths and they have vowed to stand by each other no matter what; picking each other up when needed.
With Jesus and me, the covenant is different because Jesus is strong and perfect, and I am not. But actually, we do both love each other, and nothing can separate us. Jesus willingly became the sacrifice, for all that I do wrong, and more. He is not begrudging.
Which leads me on to Pete, and how being in a relationship with him is teaching me about God’s love. This bit is more embarrassing to talk about because it doesn’t paint me in a great light, and I also don’t want to come across as though I’m boasting because I have such a great boyfriend. I didn’t earn him, I am blessed by him. I’ll tell a story quickly to illustrate.
On Sunday night after getting back from the church weekend away I had to change the tyre on my bike. I had to leave the house at quarter past six the next day to catch a bus to Stockton and ten to seven for work. At about twenty to seven I got into town (nice and early) only to discover upon arrival that my bike lock WAS NOT ON MY BIKE!! *panic* Options flit in a wobbly way through my head; go to Wilko and buy one? Can’t it’s not open yet. Go home and get it? Don’t have time. Call Sam and Lizi? They won’t know the situation/be fast enough. Leave bike in town and hope? No, it will almost certainly get stolen. Jesus, what do I do? Call Pete. Try not to cry with relief when he answers on second ring. Garble in a shaky voice at top speed. Wait for Pete to BOMB it into town only just woken up. Leave bike and trust Pete to find it and keep it safe. Dash madly for bus. Receive text from Pete to say he has my bike safe and sound. Reflect on irrationally willing nature of Pete towards me.
But do you know what, Pete didn’t want me to try to retrospectively earn his rescue, and he didn’t love me less because he’d cycled so fast he felt sick and asthmatic and he actually said he ENJOYED being there for me at ANY hour of the day. And instead of managing to redeem myself, I went and got all over emotional about something and sobbed down the phone to him a couple on nights later at half past midnight. But instead of being dismissive and begrudging and he sought me out the next day with flowers and chocolate. I have to try to learn to receive this kind of sacrificial and loving behaviour. And obviously my response is that I want to love him back as much as I can. But not out of guilt, out of joy!! And this is exactly what I need to learn in my relationship with Jesus too.
My favourite way to while the time away:
When we lie chatting late at night and you
And I know there’s nothing we can’t say;
Rich silliness or gently talking through
Our worries till it’s almost breaking day.
♦
Though in lots of ways we’re really different
I think it helps us help each other grow;
In response to challenge you are brilliant
And frankly I think the whole world should know.
But would I want to share you with them though?
♦
You’ve always had the cheekiest of smiles
That without fail will get you off the hook.
You’ve helped me see the bright side of life’s trials
While somehow not allowing me denials,
And made me laugh till my whole body shook.
♦
Been missing you excruciatingly,
Suffocation in anticipation
Of hugging you and talking properly,
This lengthy and frustrating separation
Highlights the delights of your company.
♦
My Annie your the best sister ever,
Brave, funny, beautiful; such a treasure,
When God made you I bet He felt clever
And still looks on you with immense pleasure,
He is glorified through your endeavour.
Can’t wait to hang out with you this summer, I love you. xx
With family relationships it oft’ seems
That their deep hooks in our identity
Swift lead our reactions to extremes
And raw emotion of such potency.
♦
It cannot be just biologically,
Though from our parents’ fibres we are knit,
The bond is also forged through history
of moments; smooth as marble, coarse as grit.
♦
On life’s complex journey family extends
As with the paths of others it’s entwined
Through taking on the unexpected bends
We end up leaving precious ones behind.
♦
For some love’s separation stings the heart
Which in defense builds walls to shield it’s pride,
Ironic that the catalyst that starts
The blaze is that which wants you by it’s side.
♦
Not a child but evermore his daughter,
Flew the nest to seek the truth and live it,
Fully fledged you aint who he had thought yer,
Though truly loved, you just don’t neatly fit.
♦
Integrity on you makes strong demands
Which, in conjunction with your wish to share,
Your loving questions he misunderstands;
Therefore so hard to keep investing there.
♦
Seek refuge in the Lord’s unfailing grace,
He knows you and loves you beyond measure,
As with humility your words you lace,
Press on knowing you’re His precious treasure.
♦
I love you heaps; more than I can convey
And wish that I could hold your hand right now,
I guess that’s all I really want to say,
I pray that Jesus uses this somehow.
♦
xx
I just had the MOST DELICIOUS peanut butter and plum jam sandwich on home-made brown bread. YUM!!!! Seriously, can’t stress how scrumptious it was! I delight in food most days, who am I kidding, I absolutely REVEL in food about 6 times a day…. mmmm food. :] ha ha. :]
Easter Sunday is always a joyous and uplifting shabazz isn’t it? That was a happy day indeed. The singing, rejoicing, hugs and exaltations.
Sun as well, I do like a bit of sun. It’s all so amazing really the way it works. I get all freckly in the sun, gotta wear super high factor suncream though otherwise I burn.
You know what else i really super love? Dappled sunlight through trees, where the green of the leaves is illuminated but not garish and the warmth of the sun’s rays are not so overpowering as to render those who dwell beneath helpless and lethargic (though that’s a nice feeling sometimes too).
Hoverfly through a leaf...
The Irish accent…. another joy bringer, really enjoyed it when I watched The Secret of Kells (I highly recommend watching it if you can)
Animals are such a blessing too, especially when they’re goofy! What is it about goofy people and goofy animals that is so endearing and chortle producing? I think God has a brilliant sense of humour, and I also think there are many of us who need to lighten up and take ourselves a little less seriously. My lively and absolutely ridiculous, but terribly affectionate and cute labrador Tamsin is my role model:
Composure is overrated.
Also under the topic of animals, Cats, they’re SO FUNNY… and cute as anything, if you do like cats, look up Simon’s Cat on Youtube… it’s GENIUS!! :]
And then there’s my Lovely and rather silly family, they bring me such abundance of joy I couldn’t express it in words even if I were Shakespeare (William WaggleDagger Himself) :
So many things to be thankful for at the end of every single day, Friends, Fun, Beauty, Truth, Food, Music the list is endless.
“The LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace.”
So Love is one little four letter word. And it means SO MUCH.
So we have the kind of love we have for our Mams and Dads; a kind of needy love to begin with, a deep love that has enourmous elasticity and sometimes causes immense pain. A mother’s love is so potent and selfless, a father’s love so peace giving, hopeful and desired. (I realise I’m talking about almost ideals here, but not impossibilities and not spotless perfections)
We have the kind of love we have for our Siblings; not too far from the parent type love but often gets off to a rockier start, a beautiful kind of relationship is possible here though, something that doesn’t compare to ANYTHING else. It’s more indelible than friendship (not that those can’t last) there’s a kind of kindred spirit in sibling relationships that could stand in the face of ANYTHING and remain. I think the reason so many siblings fight is that what COULD be is so powerful and life giving that the devil does anything he can to derail it.
Then Friendship; where feeling understood and accepted feeds into all kinds of trust, shared experiences and journeys, where a heart for something is shared, a wavelength shared… this is about a kind of communion between people that is chosen rather than inevitable and can be such a source of joy, humour, colour and challenge.
There’s Charitable love, where our hearts are stirred for others, just because they are human and so are we, and the beauty of this kind of love shouldn’t be under-estimated… it can swiftly grow into friendship and without it we would cease to be human. It often hurts our already exhausted hearts, but it’s also far too easy to be come de-sensitised, and put up barriers.
There’s Romantic love. Eros Love. Venus Love. So hard to describe and understand. It’s not just about desire and attraction. It’s far more sacrificial than that, far more engaging, enriching, costly, vulnerable. It needs all the elements of friendship, and often develops out of friendship, it’s intense and funny, like fire because it consumes yet gives heat, it must be nurtured in the right kind of environment, it’s about intimacy and desire that leads to becoming one and it has the potential to tear a persons heart to shreds. Sex is not dirty, it can be dangerous, it is a big deal and it is an amazing gift. It unites people in an irreversible way so it should only be done with one person and it’s really important. It’s an important part of Euros love but it doesn’t create (make) love. It can exist without love; which is tragic.
There’s the love we have of money, comfort, THINGS. This is a bit sad, it’s unrequited, but easy to fall into in our consumerist society. It is not life giving like the other kinds of love but it is costly, we gradually become engrossed and there’s no obvious escape or upper limit. We think it’s comparatively risk free, but possessions can let us down just as much as humans can.
There’s our love for and from God. This is the reason that we exist. God decided to create because He wanted to love us and be loved by us. This is interesting because it’s s unbalanced. God loves us unconditionally and unfailingly. Vastly and sacrificially, while we love God sporadically and selfishly, obsessed with trying to prove ourselves to him, or else we are completely apathetic. When we love God truly it’s freeing and exciting and the relationship is powerful and exhilarating.
Love can be received or given, demanded or withheld, rebuffed, or accepted expressed or hidden.
Love can be communicated in many ways, Touch, Time, Words, Acts of service, Gifts.
How do we do it? Can we learn it? Does it just happen? What is is made of? How can we trust it? Can it be permanent? Can it be destroyed? Why is it so important to us?
John says that ‘God is Love’
Paul says that ‘Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.’
John also says: ‘This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.’ (this doesn’t mean we have to die on a cross, it just means make sacrifices for others, put others before ourselves, which is so counter-cultural)
And ‘For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.’
“We love because it’s the only true adventure.” – Nikki Giovanni
Paul again: ‘If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.’
“Attention is the most basic form of love; through it we bless and are blessed.” – John Tarrant
“Love is everything it’s cracked up to be. That’s why people are so cynical about it…It really is worth fighting for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don’t risk everything, you risk even more.” – Erica Jong
“Love is more than three words mumbled before bedtime. Love is sustained by action, a pattern of devotion in the things we do for each other every day.” – Nicholas Sparks
“To love is to receive a glimpse of heaven.” – Karen Sunde
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless–it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.” -C. S. Lewis
“Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person’s ultimate good as far as it can be obtained”- C. S. Lewis
“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief…and unspeakable love.”- Washington Irving
“Love comes when manipulation stops; when you think more about the other person than about his or her reactions to you. When you dare to reveal yourself fully. When you dare to be vulnerable.”- Joyce Brothers
So Love is about Sacrifice, Communication, Commitment, Vulnerability, Sharing, Trust, Fun, Choice and Intimacy?
catieeliza 