Literary doodle pad

Flipping soaked

She hemorrhages pain.
It splashes alive into my soul,
Running in through my ears and brain,
Please God make it stop

Or make my soul less porous
So that I could swim through the world
Unfazed, a potent paragon
Of bold, sunny, cold perfection

If it would be a bad swap,
If empathy is such rich gold
And I should ache till I am old,
Then show me how to soldier on

But you should know this;
I hate it.

Stronger than death

In the shadows deep and long
We hold mysterious secret gaze,
These crazy precious moments build
Strong foundations to last for always

You are not bad, you are not mean,
It’s simple, beautiful vulnerability
Which brings us both to this hard seam
Of raw dependence, you and me

The fiercest love, forged in raging flame,
Brokenness and beauty roughly bound,
We’ve a good thing here, there is no shame,
Let’s close our ears to the conformity game

Your sweet heaviness, your light brightness
Gently crumble my life’s walls
And in this brilliant messy rightness
New life and growth, adventure calls

If I could pay with any price
Even with my final breath,
You’re worth every sacrifice,
Truth revealed; love’s stronger than death


Your lips
Pearly petals furled in pouting peace so perfect
Your breath
Mighty little puffs of feisty life against my skin
Your eyes
Bright deep intimate soul windows, soul hands which we hold
Your voice
Colourful melody on heartstrings of delighted vulnerability
Our hug
A warm snug weight, fulfilling my arms and chest

Disappointment a heavy, boiling liquid
Threatening, unbidden erupting; acidic
Rage rises bitter in my chest, trying to escape
In hot tears or swears, or both, volcanic
I was so NEARLY there I thought,
I had dangerous hope

Losing which, I am swept into a fight
With seeming inevitable futility, trapped
By enveloping gloss of hatred’s silky film
Like a sea bird caught in an oil slick,
Slippery with ugly spilled emotion,
Too late for flight

Clearly I am not loved

In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat – for he grants sleep to those he loves.
Psalm 127:2 NIVUK

Beyond Tether’s End

Oh my God in these days
Sometimes  all I see is rain
But if the rocks must cry out
I don’t want to be to blame,
So I sing, I proclaim
Jesus how I still love your name.

Blessed be, blessed be the one whose goodness still remains,
Blessed be, blessed be the one who always loves the same

And if the trees can clap their hands
Then I’m sure so can I
And in the midst of the storm
I bet they do it all the more,
So I sing or sometimes cry
Jesus I want to lift you high.

Now and Not Yet

Droplets of self loathing seep

Down my cheek, toxically,

Mocking the ideal I keep;

Happy, humble, okay me


Acknowledge, again, with shuddered sigh,

Satan’s plentiful supply of lies,

Nipping doggedly at threadbare ties

Of truth, strength, hope and serenity


Comfort’s time-lag stutters on,

As in the darkest black of night

I know the dawn will surely come,

Should knowing so bring instant light?


Once the gold rays filter in,

Forgotten fear seems foolish now;

Victory has drowned my sin,

A crown by grace placed on my brow



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