Literary doodle pad

Posts tagged ‘Relationships’

Double Helix Headed High

Ringlet spirals down your cheek,

Half closed eyelids hide and seek

From and for the love,

For which you were created.

Loose your grip on lies of old,

Slip into the Saviour’s hold,

Bravely let the dance

Mold the truth into your stance.

Unfathomed depths, dip in your heart;

Ripple seen is just the start,

Weight of rushing power

Freeing, washing walls apart

Bridal beauty lies within

Unbridled; He’s extinguished sin,

Skies of light wherein

Potential fiercely soars and sings

Choosing to step onto rock,

Look not back, smash the lock,

You can and will be loved

Now and through eternity!

So let your gaze be lifted to

The one who loves to hear from you,

Praise will be the key;

Outwit deceit of enemy

Your voice was bestowed by the King,

A unique one, distinctive ring,

Lest the stones cry out,

Let the Princess her words bring!

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Curiosity killed the Catie…

I’m curious about fear. Why does fear get to wield such influence in our lives? Does it even make sense?

I am one of the most jumpy people alive… I am ridiculous when I watch scary films, but curiosity gets the better of me and every so often I watch one… I watch it knowing I’ll regret it, and then when I’m done, guess what, I regret it.

Let me tell you a couple little stories about curiosity and about fear…

One day (today actually) I was trying to be helpful on the small holding, so I took a tub and went to pick raspberries. The bushes are all close together and you have to get entangled to do any proper helpful fruit picking, and there are loads of flies, bees and wasps. Wasps are an issue for me… I don’t understand why I am so scared of them… I wanted to be brave and useful though so I kept trying to pick raspberries, even though every buzz was a test… and then just as I’d put the last ripe raspberry into the tub a wasp came too close to my hand and… I dropped the pot and ran… like a real sissy! It’s so infuriating!! I simply don’t seem to be able to use mind over matter…

One (different) day, I had my curiosity spiked by a friend, a teenage boy. He told me that he had stapled a receipt to his leg. Why, on hearing this, did I instantly want to do it too? I knew it would hurt, and I knew it was purposeless but I still wanted to. It really was fascinating… i found the receipt got in the way and didn’t quite quench my curiosity, so I did it without any paper; so I could get a proper look at the staple as it clung in my leg… and as I pulled it out… It didn’t really hurt that much, but apparently I could have got an infection and needed to amputate my leg… so I’m not allowed to do it again (that’s okay… curiosity on this generally over now)

Once I was asked out by a young man with whom I had been good friends for a while. I was shocked, and scared, and excited. I said yes. I knew I was making a choice to be vulnerable and also to take on responsibility to take care of someone else’s heart, basically I was choosing to love him. This was terrifying to me in a way, it had the potential to hurt me and him in a big way but I thought that IF it worked out it could be something fantastic. Turned out to be both, I think. It was one of the most rollercoasterish nine months I’d experienced as a result of a choice I’d made. It was a risk, I took it, I was so blessed, I learned things, I was quite hurt too though. Now… would I, could I take a similar risk again?

So basically what I’m wondering about is this… There seem to be different types of fear, or at least a scale of levels of fear. I’m afraid of pain, but specifically the pain caused by a wasp sting I seem to fear a hundred times more than a needle or a punch in the stomach or something. But all of these fears are insignificant and not something I’d actually worry about at night when I can’t sleep. I’m afraid of bad things happening unexpectedly, which means I jump when I watch films and have to hide behind cushions and things, but somehow I am still curious, so I still choose to watch these things…. I’m scared of unseen jellyfish when I’m swimming but I still love going in the sea. I’m often curious about how much pain I can take and I pick (play)fights with people 3 times as big as me… Rollercoasres are designed to scare us and yet loads of us love going on them?!?

Really, the kind of thing I’m actually afraid of is losing a precious friendship, hurting someone, being rejected by someone I love, being a burden to others, disappointing God or my family, being selfish and making bad decisions…  Some are scary because they’re to do with the hope for something amazing, and the scary part is the disappointment if they don’t work out, and some are to do with temptation to sin, and that kind rarely seems scary at the point of choosing, but in reality are probably far worse. And yet, even though these things are much more important to me really… I make such silly choices with regard to them. The Ones that are to do with fear of disappointment I have to make a real effort not to avoid, while with temptations I’m not nearly so swift to avoid situations where I could potentially fall into them… I don’t ‘drop the tub of raspberries and run’…. and is it because of curiosity that I don’t?

Sigh… I have been rambling…. With lots of questions, but also lots of love . ;] xx

The Stance

Hot tears splash down my cold face

Which I lose the battle to compose,

Resolve buckles; I fleetingly embrace

The pain that follows the love that I chose

I took the risk of loving you,

The things I said I meant and I believe,

My touch, the laughter and my tears were true

And so this might confirm that I’m naive

Is it folly when fear sees a chance,

To stare it down, and instead choose to trust,

And on foundations of love take a stance,

Knowing vulnerability is a must?

Sacrifice sets true love apart,

You’d heard it said and in your head you knew,

But when it came to choices of the heart

You struggled to let selflessness come through

I’m sorry for not being tough enough,

Having fun with you was just too sweet

For me to want to call your bluff,

Though you’d no intention of deceit

I’ve prayed for you in many words and tears

With great hope cause I can see you’re lovely,

Let Holy Spirit take away your fears

So you can learn to be loved, and love fully

I hope you know I truly don’t regret

Investing in you, even with the pain,

Heavenly Father’s keeping the best yet,

And a precious friendship will remain.

Fully fledged treasure friend.

With family relationships it oft’ seems

That their deep hooks in our identity

Swift lead our reactions to extremes

And raw emotion of such potency.

It cannot be just biologically,

Though from our parents’ fibres we are knit,

The bond is also forged through history

of moments; smooth as marble, coarse as grit.

On life’s complex journey family extends

As with the paths of others it’s entwined

Through taking on the unexpected bends

We end up leaving precious ones behind.

For some love’s separation stings the heart

Which in defense builds walls to shield it’s pride,

Ironic that the catalyst that starts

The blaze is that which wants you by it’s side.

Not a child but evermore his daughter,

Flew the nest to seek the truth and live it,

Fully fledged you aint who he had thought yer,

Though truly loved, you just don’t neatly fit.

Integrity on you makes strong demands

Which, in conjunction with your wish to share,

Your loving questions he misunderstands;

Therefore so hard to keep investing there.

Seek refuge in the Lord’s unfailing grace,

He knows you and loves you beyond measure,

As with humility your words you lace,

Press on knowing you’re His precious treasure.

I love you heaps; more than I can convey

And wish that I could hold your hand right now,

I guess that’s all I really want to say,

I pray that Jesus uses this somehow.

xx

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